Being Presumptuous - suggest don't tell me!

SMILE EVEN UPSIDE DOWN

I've been reflecting on doing this.  The word presumptuous comes to mind. The way it sounds here evokes images of upholstery to me. Maybe it is the ending of the word - sumptuous makes me think of comfy sofas. 

Knoworramean? I was referring to thinking people would want to read wot-I-write (I'll stop writing like this from now.)

But...have you seen CDs or DVDs?  The ones you can still buy and in the places you can still get them nowadays (rare and rarer) invariably feature only the 'star's' mugshot on the front and the title.  I assume if you can read you don't need to also see them to know what you are buying.  Apart from a stunning lack of creativity, these guys are not ashamed of having their face all over the place as they like to be seen and heard and talked about.  Some people like themselves a lot. 

Then there are people writing books etc. advising this or that or that you should do this or that and you will be better if you do.  Any reasonable author of these works would only attempt to suggest or advise that what they propose or detail may work or be of interest to the reader and would always advise caution for the reader to use their own judgement. 

Many authors of self-help books do, as I guess it's wiser for them and as a service to their readers, as the written word can be subject to interpretation and mis-interpretation if things aren't clear (and unfortunately even if they are). If a person reads a self-help book on assertiveness without using their own judgement (and also without reading and understanding what is being said) no-one will blame the author if that person challenges a skinhead who's pushed in front of them in the chip shop queue and as a result gets assaulted!  

I read that Frank Sinatra told his advisers that they could only suggest but not tell him what or how to do things.  This blog doesn't attempt to tell the reader how to do anything.  But it offers suggestions which are based usually on my experiences. Telling someone they should do something is very presumptuous.

But it is also because I don't have the answer to my problems and am not sure that anyone else has a definite answer.  But one of the better suggestions I can make is to try things for yourself.  I have tried many forms of therapy/things and am still trying mainly because to me trying is better than just letting things roll on as they are.  

Sometimes what may be termed spontaneous remission has occurred when I haven't particularly tried anything at all and things have got better, for a while at least.  Sometimes something has occurred or revealed itself to me about a problem when I've least expected it to what was a subject of continuing rumination.

But perhaps the underlying problem was still there going unaddressed or waiting for something?

My prior beliefs about therapy needed to be challenged.  I used to hold a belief that no therapy had worked or would work.  This was not completely true, as on reflection I recalled I had actually picked up some meaningful advice from many sources over the years and not only therapeutic ones. Questioning or listening to friends, GPs, psychologists, reading self-help books, other texts plus little bits in therapy sessions have made some difference.  Sometimes even a casual word or observation may switch on the light of illumination for you.

If what you hear or what you read makes sense to you, it can also have a meaning that stays with you and may perhaps offer some practical use to you. This was important for me to realise. Once I heard something meaningful or interesting I found it was too easy for me to just put it to the back of my mind, not knowing it could actually serve a purpose if I tried following the advice, or try what was suggested.

I remember a quote in a self-help book attributed to Deepak Chopra.  To paraphrase, it was generally about how the psyche reveals the truth in the gap between our thoughts, or something like this.  I liked the image of this when I read it but it also seemed to apply to my experiences of rumination which never provide any answers for me. I remember the occasions, when in a moment of quiet, an interesting realisation occured about the 'problem' I had been ruminating about.  Without any effort or provocation this realisation seemed to expose my concerns as being false.

I found having a therapist you can work with also helps who can guide you through the plethora of approaches/advice/techniques and who can work with you in achieving some kind of resolution or aid you in the psychological problems you have.

In my reflection, I must admit to having that element of ego as discussed above, as I guess I like the sound of my own typing.  But at least there is a kind of purpose for doing this, even if it's purely as self-help and writing practice.  And perhaps for others there is a suggestion or two to take away and think about, bringing liquid into their otherwise dry day.  

To end with, I will practice what I don't preach (if you see what I mean) and suggest but not tell you (thanks Frank) that if any of the above makes any sense to you please feel free and  try something new or different, but use your judgement as well.  This reminds me of a psychotherapist's statement made to me - "You are the best psychologist you can get".

Hope things are well.



'Interesting' factoid
You can still buy those mint biscuits that used to be called 'YOYOs' or 'YO-YOs'. They are now called 'Viscount' biscuits and they still come wrapped individually in a green foil cover.   
I remember they used to do a toffee version as well but you can't get them now I think.
And yes, you can find a blog about this topic on the Internet as well.  You can still get Topic chocolate bars too. :)